I wake up to the sound of my alarm. Stretching my stiff body, I sigh, just another boring day.
When I moved to the small, beachside town of Elwood nearly three months ago, I had big plans. Yet, here I am, just going through the motions. Every day is the same, I get up, go to work in the town’s dingey little café, then go home and go to sleep. This was not my plan! I didn’t move three hours away from my family and friends just to wind up in this boring life. It’s no different than the life I left behind. I moved far enough away that no one would be likely to visit without calling first. I moved here to explore what my friends and family would never accept. I wanted to explore the dark side of my sexuality without the judgement of anyone I know.
I thought that within weeks, I would become more submissive, give into my darkest dreams. Find acceptance, and that just maybe, I would find a Dom who would fulfill my submissive soul.
Three months later, the bravest I have been is using my vibrator without the television turned up to drop out the sound.
I get up and dress for work — the same boring black t shirt paired with the same boring black jeans and finished off with the same boring black shoes. I tie my long chestnut brown hair up in the same ponytail I wear every day, contemplate putting on some make up but decide against it. Who would I impress in that stupid cafe anyway, there is no point to getting all dressed up. I grab a muesli bar on my way out the door.
I live on the 3rd floor of a small apartment building. The apartments are quite nice for the price, with plenty of large windows, a decent size living space and a bedroom with a small ensuite. However, the building itself has not been well maintained and the building manager is never around. It’s common knowledge that if there was an issue with your apartment or services, just fix it yourself unless you don’t mind months of ignored emails or vague replies until the building managed finds the cheapest trade possible to come and patch up the issue. The stairwell is always dirty and the small garden is always dead, but the price was $500 a month cheaper than anywhere else in this town so I could just scrape together the rent with my little cafe paychecks.
The walk to work only takes about 10 minutes. It was always a nice way to start the day, walking along the beach while the sun is still low and not many people are around.
Most of my shift at work went along the same as every other day. Make some coffee, smile at the regular old men who always came in for a chat, blow off the request for a date with Sam (the goofy but strangely good looking barista I worked with who had set his sights on me from my first shift), then clean up the shop before heading home.
While deep cleaning the coffee machine, Sam asked me if something was wrong, as I seemed more distant today.
“It’s nothing, I’m fine. I just thought my life would’ve changed more sincemoving here.”
“What do you want to change?” he asked, seeming generally concerned for me.
“Oh it doesn’t matter, this just isn’t how I envisioned it’d be.”
“Well you don’t need to tell me what you mean, but I find writing down what I want so I can actually see it helps me when I’m stuck. Then I can I guess tackle it like a to do list and make small steps forward”
“Yeah, thanks Sam. See you tomorrow.”
I leave him to lock up the cafe and begin my walk home. I mulled over what Sam had said. What if I wrote a list, putting on it every little fantasy I had hoped to achieve and start ticking things off it. I could start slowly with some easy things to get myself motivated and then get more and more daring and adventurous until I was Finally living the life I had hoped this town would give me.
I almost trip going up the stairs to my apartment, so excited about the possibility of my life taking shape. I calm myself down with a quick shower, throw on some leggings and a baggy t-shirt and sit down at my computer and begin to think.
What did I want out of this? I want to be completely submissive. But to who, or what? I want to be completely submissive to my fansies. Ok good start, what are some of my basic fansies then? I want my apartment to be my submissive space, where I can fully immerse in my fansies. So maybe I should have a set of rules I make myself following at home! And I would need some sort of punishment for if I broke a rule. I start to type:
1. Create list of rules to follow in apartment
2. Create list of possible punishments
What else do I want? I’ve always liked the thought of strangers seeing me submit. But in person seems like too big of a step for right now.
3. Create profile online to post pictures
4. Talk to people online about my fans
5. Take instructions from someone online
What is my goal? My end goal was to be somebody’s submissive. But I wanted to work up to that, not just jump in. Well to do that I would eventually need to be comfortable submitting in front of people. Maybe I could start with some little inconspicuous things in public.
6. Go to a sex shop with a shopping list of 5 items
7. Go to work wearing no underwear
8. Go supermarket shopping in a slutty outfit
9. Go for a jog wearing only a bikini
10. Have an orgasm in public
I was really getting myself now imagining my progression towards total submission. My ideas were getting more and more daring so I consider stopping but decided I should use my arousal to finish the list properly.
11. Have an orgasm at work
12. Find an online Dom to submit to
13. Have sex with a stranger
14. Meet up with someone I met online
15. Go to a shopping center in a very slutty outift
16. Have an orgasm on a bus (must be half full)
17. Spend 24 hours in self bond
18. Have a threesome
19. Get naked in front of someone in a public place
20. Become a real life submissive to a Dom
I look back over my list. Half of it seemed fairly doable, half silently scared the shit out of me and made me unbelievably horny. I decided to act on the latter, so I save my list and get into bed. I grab my vibrator out of the drawer next to my bed and turn it on the pulsating setting. I lay down and slide it under my legs, running it up and down slowly along my clip. I tilt it downwards and slide it easily into my pussy, changing the setting to a strong steady victory. I move it in and out, breathing heavily as I get closer to climax. I take my free hand and begin rubbing my clip at the same pace as I move the vibrator in and out. I climax while thinking about the list of rules and punishments I will be writing after work the following day.
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