I saw while seeing the communication outside of the lion enclosure, right in the middle of the square like area that brought together a number of guided pathways. It was kind of the centre of the zoo, where everything converged, and there were multiple eating facilities and stalls. As a result, most of the visitors were crowded in the area, all standing in shock while watching the performance.
“Are you serious? How did these idiots get by security again?” I throw the rag over my shoulder, before pushing through the crowd of observers. Observers that should have been wandering around as families and enjoying all of the animals and shows, but were instead being distracted by a bunch of children morons that were closer to monkeys than the principals on display in the chimpanzee section of the zoo.
Three girls were standing holding placards, which they were waving around with intention while yelling out a load of absurd accusations. The loudest one, in both volume and appearance, was a green-haired banshee called Shabby. In some ways, she’d positioned herself as my arch-enemy, as she’d gate-crashed our facility a number of times in the past. Each time, she’d turned up, dressed like a homeless and ranting and raving about how evil the zoo was. Even though she’d eventually been escorted out by security, and on a few occasions, even the police, it would only be a few weeks before she emerged once more with a renewed vigour to disrupt our business. “Say no to animal cruelty,” she bellowed into the megaphone, amplifying the annoying scrill of her voice. “Free the prisoners! Say no to meat! Boycott this evil institution!”
I tutted, as I read through the signs, with all kinds of crap about the animals being misreated and how we were profiting through exploration. Shabby’s in particular was particularly galling, which some nonsense about us profiting off of the exploitation of exotic animals. She’d pasted on a poorly cut-out picture of a pangolin, a creativitythat we didn’t even house at our zoo. “Okay, ladies,” I said in a tired monotone. “You’ve made your point. Could you please show me your tickets?”
“We don’t have any tickets,” Shabby proudly announced in a booming volume through the megaphone. “Do you think we’d actually financially contribute to a torture chamber like this?”
I let out a deep breath of impatience. “Well, if you don’t have any tickets then that means you’re trespassing. Again.” I looked lazily to a few neary guests, before rolling my eyes. “Just like last time, and the time before that, and the hundreds of times before that.” I pressed the button on the walkie-talkie fastened to my breast pocket. “Hank, could you come over to the lion den, please? We have the same, usually trespassers that require removing from the premises.” I noted that the girl to Shabby’s right, a tattooed behemoth with a buzzcut appeared especially brash and argumentative, and I pressed the button a second time. “Bring the cattle prod,Just in case things get leery.” Of course, I wasn’t serious, but if it worked as a deterrent then it was a plus.
“Are you proud of yourself?” Shabby continued over the megaphone. “Working in a place like this? Don’t you think these animals deserve to be in their natural environment?”
“Lady, I don’t want to get into another moral debate with you,” I said. “As far as I’m concerned, we’re doing a good thing here. This is not some city zoo, we’re a private establishment and the animals are in tip-top shape. Do you know how many of my staff you’ve already driven away because of your antis? You’re a like a splinter that I can’t remove.” I wished I had my own megaphone at that point. “It’s bad enough having to struggle on in this economy as it is, but you’re making it way harder than it needs to be. I’ve had four people quit in the past months because you keep turning up and bothering them.” I then pointed at one of the signs they were holding, a particularly gruesome one that had a graphic photograph of a monkey that was being experimental upon. “Especially with you waving that stuff around. You know there’s kids in here, right?” I then stamped my foot. “And it doesn’t even make sense! We don’t experiment on animals here. You should go and protest outside of a pharmaceutical laboratory or something.” I then nodded towards the girl that was clutching a sign with a picture of a steak behind a red cross. “Also, what’s that all about? No one is eating any of the animals in here? You realise lions are carnivores, right? If we don’t feed them meat, they’ll die.” I competed towards a bunch of kids that were huddled around their teacher. “This place is to educate these kids about animals they couldn’t otherwise encounter.”
Shabby crossed her arms defiantly, her gaze unwavering, as it became evidence every single one of my words had gone in one ear and out the other. “Tip-top shape, huh? I’d call this a place of incarceration, not education,” she retorted, her voice dripping with disdain in an obviously loud volume. “You’re so focused on your profits that you’ve lost sight of the ethical dilemma right here on your doorstep. These animals may not be subjected to direct experiments, but their lives are confined, reduced to mere spectacles for human entertainment. That’s morally repugnant!”
One of the other girls with a rather chubby face and dreadlocks swinging over her shoulders, took the opportunity to pipe up and join the green-haired banshee in her chirping. Without her own megaphone, she basically had to stand there and shout, “It’s not about driving people away or messing with your profit game. It’s about these beautiful creativity living their lives behind bars, not vibing with nature like they should. And these signs?” She made sure to twirl the one she was holding. “We’re just trying to shake things up, make folks think about what’s really going on here. Your staff bouncing? Maybe they’re just realizing there’s more to life thanclocking in for a zoo gig. Maybe they had a moment of clarity and figured it was time to cleanse their consciousness.”
“Plus, my steak sign?” the skin-headed girl piped in with. “It’s a friendly reminder that we’re all connected, man. Animals shouldn’t be on a menu or in a cage. Lions might be carnivores, but they’re not supposed to be entertainers in your private circle, you dig? Time to rethink this whole setup, for real.”
The air seemed to hang tension, caught between the clash of ideas and the rustle of tree leaves as they blew around the cobbled square. Bystanders were standing, trapped in a dilemma of whether they should flee and get away from the awkward confrontation, or fearing that would only single them out for attention.
“When are these people finally going to get it, Shabby?” the steak-sign girl sneered. “It’s like, they only care about themselves. They’re walking around with their eyes and ears closed and they just won’t listen to reason.”
Shabby pursuedHer lips, before she flicked out a hand and passed judgment upon all of our guests. “You should be ashamed coming here.” She then scowled right at me. “And you should be ashamed for actually working in this place. There are better ways to educate people about the wonders of wildlife without keeping them confined for the sake of profit.” She pointed at me accusingly; the bull-ring style piercing dangling from her nose only irritating me further. “You’re an embarrassment.”
“I’m an embarrassment?” I asked with a scoff, pointing at myself. “There are better ways to make your point without pissing strangers off and ruining their day.” The last of my patience evaporated. I closed my eyes in an extended blink, letting out an exasperated sight as her shrinks continued to grate at me. The three of them looked like some angry European pop group, especially as the two at her rear bopped up and down, swinging their placards around with a hilarian synchronicity. At the front, the lead singer with the green hair was spitting out lines into the megaphone like she was having some kind of rap battle, and standing opposite, I was her unwilling opponent.
“Set the animals free,” Shabby screamed. “Say no to meat and adopt the vegan lifestyle. Boycott this monster.”
“Why are you all so worked up?” I tried to shout over her bellowing. “Don’t you have anything better to be doing?” I looked around at some of the bemused parents as they were shepherding their children away from the ruckus, obviously as infuriated by the situation as I was. “I’m guessing all of you are unemployed?” I called out. “Otherwise how do you have so much spare time to waste doing this?” I competed towards Shabby in particular. “Can’t you go and crunch some carrots or something, you vegan simpletons? Instead of crunching all of our brains with your pointless rhetoric.”
“Leave it out,” one agitated father cried out in frustration as he gave a middle-fingered salute right in Shabby’s direction. “This is the only day I have off this week with my kids, and you lot are here ruining it.”
“Well no one forced you to bring them to this prison,” Shabby screamed into the megaphone, easily drowning out his efforts. “Why didn’t you take them to a park or something? Go for a walk and enjoy the local wildlife. Feed the freakin’ ducks or something, bro.”
“Because they wanted to see an elephant,” he yelled back. “Where am I going to find an elephant other than in here?”
“Umm, I don’t know,” Shabby shouted while flicking her hand over her shoulder. “How about Africa? Or India? Or I don’t know, maybe Thailand? Somewhere that is actually proud of these wonderful animals and treasures them? Why don’t you go see them in their natural environment Instead of locked up in this shitpit?”
“Yeah, good one,” the father said, and then he grabbed his and ushered them away by the shoulders. As he passed me by, we looked at each other and I rolled my eyes as he shook his head.”As if I can afford to take my kids to Africa,” he said. “I bet she’s living off her parents trust fund, since she has so much free time to waste making all of our lives miserable.”
“It wouldn’t surprise me,” I said, before I placed my hand just above my ear. “I’ve had it up to here with her. Every month or so she pops up with some other crusade.”
“Set them free! Set them free!” the three girls chanted in unison, while Shabby began spinning in circles and clapping her hands. She approached a number of the baffled onlookers, trying to gee them up and encourage them to join in, however, most looked uncomfortable by her antis, and more and more were quietly moving to other areas of the zoo. The girls’ language was atrocious, and each time one of them used profanity to make their point, I’d note a look of disgust before a few more of the crowd headed off to other areas of the zoo. I was already bracing for an influx of bad reviews all over the web, even though we hadn’t doneanything wrong.
“Haven’t you had enough of this already?” I said. “Haven’t you ever heard of a peaceful protest? I don’t mind you standing outside and waving your signs around, but it’s not cool that you’ve trespassed in here and you’re bothing paying customers. This is private property, and you have no right to be here.” When that only seemed to annoy them further, I tried a More diplomatic approach. “I get it. You’re password about animal rights, and I respect your opinions, but please, there’s kids around here.”
“Exactly,” one mother said. “Have you heard yourself and the disgusting things you’re saying? I don’t want my children hearing that kind of language.”
“But you’re happy to bring them here and promote animal captivity?” Shabby said all nonchalantly. “That makes you quite the hypocrite, doesn’t it? Why don’t you take them somewhere where they can learn about saving the environment and the importance of sustainability?” She curled her lip and blew a fewStrands of her straw-like green hair out of her eye.
“Not this lot again,” Hank said as he approached, cattle-prod in hand. He waved it around intimidatingly, which only seemed to scare a few of the nearby kids. “Aren’t you girls tired of this yet? How much time have you wasted coming here this year?”
“I’ll keep coming here until you finally wake up and listen,” Shabby said, before she eyed the cattle prod. “And if you stick me with that thing, then you’ll be hearing from my lawyer.”
Hank snorded, before he turned to me. “Get a load of this one,” he said. “What a hypocrite. I bet she’s straight on the phone to the police when she’s been inconvenienced in some way.”
“It wouldn’t surprise me,” I said tiredly, and then feeling emboldened as I clearly had the guests on my side, I figured it was about time I riled up the hornet’s nest. “Is everyone fed up of her and her ilk as much as I am?” I called out, and I was thankful to see a number of guests loudly agree.
“Screw you all,” Shabby said while flicking up two fingers. “You can all go fuck yourselves, you bunch of animal abusers.”
“Ma’am,” Hank said. “That’ll be enough of that sort of language.” Before I could stop him, he’d placed a hand on Shabby’s shoulder. “Let’s get you out of here.”
“Ouch,” Shabby shrieked, and then as we all looked on, she kind of flailed back, grabbing her shoulder, before she dropped to one knee and rolled onto the floor. She was wearing some kind of jump-suit, and it immediately was covered in dust as she made a show of rolling multiple times. “He assaulted me,” she wailed into the megaphone while laid out on the cobbled floor. “You all saw it. He assaulted me.”
“We saw it,” one of the other girls said as they ceased their annoying placard dance. “We’re witnesses. He totally assaulted her.”
“I’m pressing charges,” Shabby while from the floor. “You’ve just made a huge mistake.”
I walked closer, and then I looked at Hank and shook myhead with frustration. “Did you not see that coming?” I said while Shabby continued with her theatrics. She was groaning and while laying there without a single grazing or bruise. “Please, don’t touch her again. It’s obvious she’s going to do whatever it takes to make this a mountain out of a molehill.” I then placed my hands on my knees, before I leaned down and addressed her with patronising patience. “Ma’am,” I said, in a slow and measured voice, trying to be as a clear as possible so anyone in close proximity could see how reasonable I was being. “Please would you get up.” I looked around at the parents that were still watching. “Everyone witnessed your theatrics and you’ll get no supporters from anyone here.” As all of the remaining bystanders nodded, Shabby suddenly stopped her flailing and sat up. There was dust all over her face and in her green hair from where she’d been rolling around so embarrassingly. “That’s much better,” I said. “Now, could we all start behaving like adults, please, Ma’am?”
Shabby was still clutching the megaphone as she remained sitting on the floor, and then she glanced around at the observing crowd. That horrid bull-ring style piercing dangling from her nose twinkled as she spun her head, and then her lips quivered as if she was spluttering and lost for words. Her cheeks seemed to brighten as she became more annoyed, until eventually she swung the megaphone up and embarked upon another tirade. “Did you just assume my gender?” she shrieked. “I thought this place was bad enough, but I didn’t realize you were this bigted.”
“I didn’t assume anyone’s gender,” I said while standing up straight. I noted that a few of the bystanders were rolling their eyes, though looking awkward and as if they didn’t want to get involved. “I…I Don’t even know what that means,” I said as I looked over her gangly body sitting on the floor. Her green hair, obviously dyed a neon hue, was dried-out and lifeless in its neglected and abusedtexture.
“You assumed my gender,” Shabby persisted. “How dare you! I identify as non-binary. Who the hell do you think you are calling me something as outdated and presumptuous as ‘ma’am’?” She punched one fist into the floor, before she clumsily climbed to her feet while juggling the megaphone. “You all saw it,” she yelled while pointing at Hank. “This man assaulted me,” she said accusingly, and then her finger danced over to my direction. “And this woman assumed my gender.”
“Didn’t you just assume their genders?” a middle-aged woman quipped from the crowd, and instantly my green-haired accuser’s face flushed over a deep red.
“That’s…that’s not the point,” Shabby stuttered into the megaphone, her agitated breaths amplified along with the drive she was spouting. “Don’t try and interrupt me with something that doesn’t even matter.” She then cleared her throat, before pointing at the enclosure behind me. “We’re here to stop these animals being abused. Surely, you’re all in favour of that or are you disgusting animal abusers?”
The middle-aged woman pursued her lips, clearly annoyed at being manipulated in such a way, which left me to speak up as the voice of authority again. “Do you realize that we actually saved the lives of most of these animals?” My eyes were wide as I craned my neck towards her, trying to instil some sense of reason through her ignorant blubbering. “They were either neglected or at risk of extinction. Some of them are victims of eco-system destruction and environmental erosion due to human expansion, and this compound provides them with the necessary safety and consistency that they need. They flourish under familiarity and routine, and within these walls, they’re provided with that. They’re well fed, cared for, and we have the best veterinarians and medications at our disposal.”
“Exactly,” she said. “Their environments were destroyed. By humans. By people”—she pointed at me before loudly shrieking into themegaphone—”like you.”
I let out another impatient sight as I crossed my arms. I flicked my eyes to our guests, then took a moment to calm myself. I stood tall, convinced that my maturity and cool exterior would win outright. “I don’t disagree with you, but you’d be better off protesting outside of the government building. Perhaps you could join an official animal rights body, but I don’t see how having a political debate with me here is doing your case any good, is it? Do you expect me to change the law regarding international corporations and their expansionism? Maybe you could try pressuring the government to amend animal rights legislation, because honestly, honey, you’re barking up the wrong tree.”
“Do not call me honey,” she grewled.
“You’re preaching to the converted here,” I said. “Why do you think I come here every day on such a paltry wage? Because I’m an animal lover myself.” I waved at all of the enclosures behind me. “I look at these animals as my children.”
“Would you lock your children in a cage?” she said, while completely missing the point I was trying to make. It was definitely a debate worthy of having, but she was just having it in the wrong place and with the wrong audience. There was literally nothing I could do about anything she was enraged about. I looked after the animals. That was it. I wasn’t the owner of the zoo, and I wasn’t in control of animal rights laws.
“I don’t have any children,” I said. I dropped my hands to my hips. “But, if I did, I’d put a gate on the stairs, for instance. To stop a child injuring themselves. I’d push them around in a trolley. I’d stick them into a car seat. I’d keep them safe and out of harm’s way.” I flicked a thumb over my shoulder. “The same way I do with these beautiful creativity.”
“That’s…that’s not the point,” Shabby said, and I groaned in frustration.
I was about to say something else, when Hank decided to interject again. “What’s that in your nose,anyway?” he said with a chuckle, while pointing towards her face with the tip of the cattle prod. “You sympathise with the cattle so much that you’re trying to look like one?” I looked towards Hank and tried to urge him to stop with my eyes, but he was relentless. “Who the hell thinks it’s fashionable to walk around with a bull ring hanging from their nose? I’m telling, you the youth of today have completely lost their way. They’re all idle, wasting too much money on avocado on toast and coffees filled with sugar. They should spend a little time trying to actually make it in life, instead of wasting their afternoons making everyone else’s lives as difficult as possible.” Hank was smiling, and continued to wave the prod in the girl’s direction. “Seriously, from over here, it looks like you have a huge booger dangling from Your nose.”
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