The sun rose and the winter snow coating the streets of Syracuse, New York reflected it back into the sky. It cast ribbons of harsh, cold light through the slats of a faded gray house-turned-apartment-building nestled between several more of the same. The empty streets began to stir with life as the day began. Inside a jet-lagged brunette burrowed herself deeper into a nest of soft bedding, resisting wakefulness for a few more moments more. In her dreams she was far away, all the way across the continental United States. She was standing in a nearly empty apartment in Portland, Oregon. The city bustled outside her window, but she was too distracted to hear it. She chewed her lower lip mindlessly as she surveyed the fallout from the exploration of her last relationship. When they had moved in a year ago she’d had little more than the clothes on her back and hope for the future. By the end she had even less.
“Elizabeth.” His voice called her name and she knew it was the last timeshe’d hear it from his lips. She turned in the direction of the sound. In the doorway of this apartment that was no longer technically hers, stood the man she’d hoped to love, but had destroyed instead. As she looked at him she couldn’t help but wonder which of them was more heartbroken. “I’m going now,” he announced, hiding the hurt behind a casual demeanor. His eyes never met hers. She was overcome by the urge to beg him to Stay, to promise she’d change, to plead and cry… but she’d already tried all of those things. Instead, she simply nodded.
“Goodbye.”
He left her standing there, in the midst of a bare apartment, and it was like he was never there to begin with. She felt overwhelmed, lost, and alone, with no idea what to do next. She fell to the floor and sobbed. Back in Syracuse a tear rolled down her cheek, glittering in the sunlight.
The dream faded as her eyes adjusted to the light and the fuzzy, glowing shapes of the room became defined. She grooaned as shestretched, catlike, to ease the soreness pent up in her muscles from the activities of the night before. The physical distance she’d travelled had put emotional distance between herself and her problems. It was hard to believe she had only just arrived here several hours ago. She couldn’t help, but wonder: was she running from one problem straight to the next? Shaking her head as if to clear it, she pushed aside the thought and observed the silence. There were no sounds from inside the apartment and she knew she was alone. A note pinned to his pillow confirmed her conclusion:
“Had to go to work, Pet. Stick around.”
Short, concise, and unsigned. She was almost surprised that he trusted her not to disappear. He was certainly too cocky by far in assuming she wouldn’t run away the first chance she could. She’d certainly done it before. It seemed as though she’d spent half of her life running away from him. The more she wanted him the faster she ran. A pool of desire formed inher belly as she glanced over the note. Yes, she supposed, she would stick around this time.
Elizabeth sat up and let the blanket fall from her naked form. Her nipples hardened from the change in temperature and her skin prickled with goosebumps as she made her way to the bathroom. She caught her reflection in the mirror over the sink and she turned to view herself. With a critical eye she took in her mussed, unruly hair and smudged makeup. She was sore, but his assault last night had left no bruises. She borrowed his toothbrush, an intimate gesture that made her smile. Steam began to fill the bathroom as she opened the shower faucet and began to prepare for the day.
The water had run cold before she began stepped out of the shower. Condensation coated the mirrors and swirled heavily in the air. She dried off and wrapped herself in a soft white towel she’d found in one of the closets. In the living room, she surveyed what little she’d brought with her on this unplanned journey. The clothes she had been wearing last night were scattered around the room. Her cheeks reddened at the visual reminder of last night’s events and she felt the tingle of anticipation rekindle. Her bag was on the floor by the door, under her hastily dropped coat. She rummaged through it and pulled out a clean pair of underwear, the only article of clothing she had brought with her. Next she fished out her wallet and glanced through it. A few dollars in cash, a credit card that was nearly maxed out, and her simple blue on grey Oregon driver’s license… Everything she had to build a new life with. She told and dropped it back into her bag. Should she build a new life here? She wondered. Or should she run again while she still had the chance?
She thought back to their relationship over the years. They had Know one another for nearly a decade. When they’d met Elizabeth had been sixteen and relatively innocent, just learning the ropes of her sexuality. He had been dating a coworker of hers, Jen, and she had introduced them. He had intimidated her from the first moment they met. He was confident, sexy, seductive. The sparkle in his eyes said he knew more than she ever could. It made her feel inexperienced, inadequate even, but at the same time she was drawn to him. He was interesting to her in a way that none of her other pursuits were. It was something magnetic between them. Still, he belonged to someone else, and while she’d often made a habit of seducing unavailable men, she did not want to make things awkward between his girlfriend and herself. For the time being she had put him out of her mind.
It was not until New Year’s Eve several months later that she betrayed her previous sensitivities. Jen had invited her to a party with a few of her friends and the fact that he would be there swayed her decision More than anything else. That night she found herself in a stranger’s apartment ringing in the new year with raucous laughter and copious amounts of alcohol. He had spent the evening attempting to convince the two girls to engage in a threesome, a forward move on his part which Elizabeth had laughed off. She was quite drunk and very sleepy when, well after the ball dropped and the year had changed, they all stumbled off to find a place to crash.
Elizabeth woke as he was unbuttoning her jeans. Lying on a futon with him behind her, she could feel his breath on her neck and his hardness pressed into her back. She wondered if she should try to stop him – his girlfriend was sleeping nearby – but she couldn’t deny that she wanted this and elected to continue feigning sleep instead. His hand forced it’s way down the front of her jeans and she could feel his intake of breath as he discovered her wetness. She tried to remain still as he explored her, running skilled fingers through her moisture and around her folds. As he slipped two fingers into her she bit down on her lower lip to stifle a gasp.
He could tell that shehad awoken as he moved his fingers inside of her. He could feel her body tense and her hips rock ever so slightly to meet him. They had wanted each other since they had met and although he was taking quite the risk, it was a calculated one. As he pressed his fingers to that sweet spot inside of her, he heard her breathing becomes more rapid. Her walls grasped around him and locked him in place. He continued to play with her until she could barely keep quiet any longer.
Her whole body was rigid. She could no longer control her breathing, so she tried to hold her breath inside. She wads rapidly losing self control as he drove her closer and closer to the edge. Then, he withdraw, leaving her teetering on the edge of orgasm with no release. She felt a pang of frustration as she realized that he knew exactly what he was doing to her. She could not respond, argue, or even beg, without waking Jen and altering her to what had just happened, She lay awake for long hours that night thinkingover what had happened.
From then on it had been impossible to stay away. They met for illicit trysts whenever the opportunity presented itself. They ran errands together on their days off, stopping in empty parking lots and dead end streets when they couldn’t hold back any longer. Once he’d ordered her to masturbate for him in the back seat while he drove, but she was too embarrassed to fulfill his wishes. When they could Not meet they exchanged messages instead. She spent many nights alone writing in frustration to his explicit text messages or the sound of his voice over the phone.
He made her absolutely crazy, turned her on more than she thought possible, but he frightened her. She was too emotionally vulnerable to give herself over completely… and so they danced around it. They would cut off contact for months when she felt too guilty About what they did, only to reunite when the distance became unbearable. Finally, she moved away, desperately trying to start a newlife away from his influence.
Yes here you are… Back again. The thought snapped her mind back to the present and she looked around the empty room, lost. She slipped into yesterday’s jeans and began to pick up around the apartment, waiting for him to return.
Leave a Reply