Advice?

Hey everyone. I just started to write this story, and after an hour I am this far:

“You are so hot.” The words slipped from her mouth sexually as she sat, straddled over him, leaning forward, stealing kisses around his neck, and occasionally on the lips. Her long blond hair hung lazily over his face. “Carley, this is so amazing.” He had his arms wrapped around her back, lying on his back, propped up in the bed by a pillow. “Ryan, I never thought…” Ryan was listening, but was far More concerned with getting to the heart of the matter. As she spoke, and he pretended to listen, he began lifting her shirt up, over her head. She consented, and helped the shirt over her head and arms. Ryan reached around, grabbing the straws of the bra and unhooked them. He began to slide it off, it sat, slightly revealing Carley’s soft nipples. He began to slide it off further, about to make his fantasy come true.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. Ryan’s eyes shot open, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the sound of an alarm clock ringing in his hear. He turned his head over, 6:00am. “Fuck,” he let out a sight. Another one of his dreams interrupted by school. He slammed his hand down on the alarm clock, silencing it. He sat up, flung the covers off, and turned to sit on the side of his bed. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, letting out, yet, another long, drawn out, sight. He stood up, and looked down. “Fuck,” and yet another early morning sight. He grabbed a towel off his dresser, and held it lazily over his obviously erect penis. His boxes did nothing to camouflage his obvious erection. He opened his door and strolled down the hall and into the bathroom. He turned the shower on and waited for the water to get warm, testing it with his hand, he adjusted the heat till it was correct. He slipped his boxers off and slung the curve aside and stepped lazily into the shower, still half sleep. He got in and the hot water immediately slung him out of his sleep. He moved so the water would soak the majority of his body, and laid his head forward, getting his hair and face wet. The only thing on his mind was the interrupted dream portraying his reoccurring fantasy. He thought about the dream as the water ran over his body. He followed the steps, washing his body and hair as he mulled over dream. “Whatever, it was just a dream,” he thought to himself. He shoved the thought aside and finished his shower. He made his way back to his room, a towel around his waist. The pulled it off, and pulled on a pair of plad, blue and white boxes. He pulled open a drawer, looking into it. “Pants or shorts,” he asked himself quietly. He opened his door, “Mom,” he yelled down the stairs, “Is it supposed to be hot or cold?” He waited for a reply, “Hot, well war…” He ignored whatever she had toSay after hot. He stepped back into his room and pulled on a pair or khaki cargo shorts, a white tank top, and a blue polo. He went back to the bathroom, and brushed his teeh. Heading back to his room, he grabbed the pair of socks he forgotten and headed downstairs. He checked the clock, 6:15am, right on time. He walked into the kitchen, “Hi mom,” he managed to say as he grabbed is cell phone and i-pod off the counter and pocketed them. He walked into their den and grabbed a few books off the table and slide on the pair of shoes sitting underneath of it. “Alright mom, I’m leaving.” He walked towards the front door, and grabbed a hat and a pair of keys off a rack and headed out the door.

“Hot my ass,” as he said walking to his car through the rain. He got in it and started it up. Waiting for a few minutes he leaned his head back. The thoughts of his dream, more specifically his fantasy, popped back into his head. “Now Ihave to go pick her up,” he told. He began driving, primarily in an auto-pilot sort of fashion. He wondered why he began liking her so much. They used to be just friends, but at the start of his Junior year he began noticing Carley in a far more sexual way. He thought it over as he pulled into her neighborhood. Slowing down, he squinted and looked, scanning the houses, the increase in rain fall made it difficult to see. He pulled up to a house. “Numero 71,” he said in a joking way. He beeped the horn slightly, and saw the outline of Carley jogging to his car, books over her head trying to keep the rain off her long blond hair. Ryan leaned over the console and opened the door so she could slide into the car. She hoped and in closed the door immediately, and set her books on her lap. “It’s raining outside,” he said, staring at her, holding back a smile. She looked at him, speechless for a moment, “No shit,” she said, and he let hissmile out. They laughed, and Ryan began navigating his way to school. Carley crossed her legs, “Thank god it’s Friday, right?”

“Definetly, this week has been going so slow.”

They drove in silence for a bit. Ryan thought about the image of Carley as she got into the car. Her long blond hair was pulled back into a pony-tail. She was wearing short-short khaki shorts, and a blue and white striped polo, that she left lazily unbuttoned. Her cute pink sandals seemed to bring it all together. Ryan drew the image away and continued to drive. After a few minutes of silence, Carley tried to start a conversation. “Did you do that chemistry assignment?”

“Of course not, I have study hall before chem, remember?”

“Oh yeah, lucky.”

I dunno why, but…it doesn’t seem to fit the general xnxx story format. Can I get an opinion or two?